hello again

So I’m back and the whole time I was away I didn’t touch this thing once, not sure why, I guess I had other outlets and words failed me, etc etc; & honestly, I wasn’t about to do that whole ‘*name*-in-*city*-for*period of time*’ type of blog – even though  I started out with exactly that plan. Oh well. Anyway, I’m back and either I’m not as easily influenced by life-altering experiences or too insensitive, but I don’t feel like anything about me has changed at all. The changes are more subtle I suppose and me, too impatient to see the results, as usual, something that doesn’t make itself known with a BANG! I sometimes overlook. Not that I overlook subtleties. I am all about subtleties. Effects things have on me, though, or the learning curve? Too slow, too slow, I need progress with me to be fast & definitely noticeable. OK wait, we don’t want to be understating the facts either — a lot has changed since that first post written in May 2010, more than I ever imagined. It’s amazing how things can turn around in less than a year. You see, in May 2010, shortly before leaving for Spain, I was kind of bitter, kind of sad, and very eager to “just get away” for a while. I needed a change of scenery to be able to make way for the possibility to acquire a different point of view on certain things. At the end of January 2011, I was VERY eager to come back home. I’m no longer nervously shifting back & forth, thinking about cities to move to, things to get away from. It seems patience does pay off sometimes.

Ironically, living abroad for half a year has taught me something I didn’t even think I had to be taught in the first place, or not in those six months specifically. I set my mind to something I really, really wanted more than anything & didn’t let the waiting, the missing and the distance offset me. So the life lesson I take from this experience is: Some things are worth it, and: If you really want something you can make it happen. Cheesy cliche, yes? Well, I suppose; but the main reason why hearing this makes you gag is because slogans of the self-help/motivational blabbering type appear everywhere, mostly on pretty pictures on tumblr or wherever, or on some gift card you’d rather not buy. Frankly, they’re so overused nobody cares to hear them, but let me tell you something: most of them are actually true [and probably more relevant if discovered during someone’s own personal aha!-moment].

I’m in the final year of my Master (Mag. – there’s no real equivalent in the English language for this program, maybe diploma?), the future is to me as it always has been – something very vague, gray, blurry and all. But I’m optimistic. I can see myself going somewhere. So, something has changed after all – the general direction in which I want my life to be headed has a clearer outline, I’ve k.o.’d even more things I know for sure I would never want to do – for instance, I don’t want to devote my life to Big Company A, contributing to nothing but strengthening the same rigid economic system that benefits few and disadvantages many. No, I haven’t turned communist while living south, but anyone with an open mind can detect those flaws.  I know, Austrians have a hard time evaluating someone’s opinions without getting into the whole which-political-direction-are-you-representing debate, but to me these things are more than just politics. I don’t necessarily attribute certain values to a certain political party, in fact, I am not very political at all — I’ve simply learned [for myself] to think in a way that I can fully agree with, rather than letting political value systems do the thinking/choosing for me.

P.S.: I did get as far as Portugal.


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