Three more months. Three more months until my personal deadline, my birthday, July 24. If I’m not done with uni by then I’ll just say screw it and run off to an island in the sun somewhere. Or maybe not. As stressed out as I am right now, whenever I allow myself to relax and just look forward to August when all of this will be behind me -I avoid thinking about it too much for fear of jinxing my luck (I’m not kidding, sadly)- a new kind of excitement comes over me: I will be done and I will be free to do whatever I want. Whatever I want.
And I bet it will have nothing to do with economics.
Stop neglecting your dreams. They’re the only thing you should be going after with just about all the power you’ve got.
The reason why females have it hard with me and I tend to befriend guys much more easily and faster is because I already know the most amazing girls in the world. They’re my best friends and without them, not as much fun would be had, ever.
This was the first time in a while that it was just as four. We dined and wined and shared lots of laughs (as a result of highly sophisticated jokes, of course).
Summer hasn’t been what I’d call, well, summer, I mean with sun and heat and all… eventually you’re bound to run out of things to do indoors on rainy days when really you’re longing to be at a lake or hiking or biking or playing some sort of ball game (volleyball, beerball) or sunbathing or sitting out on a porch with a glass of wine or lying in the grass with a spliff. It’s not humane at all to bring a girl into the world during the hottest of summers, installing a need for warmth and sunshine in her and then gradually changing what she knows as summer to five-days-of-rain-and-cold-two-days-of-semi-heat-and-humidity kind of climate. I mean the kind of humidity where lifting a box makes you feel like you just ran a marathon.
So here I am, looking at the last roll of film I had developed, including a batch of bbq photos.
Issue n°3 of The Gentlewoman, Spring and Summer 2011 (from here)
In the last issue of The Gentlewoman I encountered an article —probably the most interesting read in the mag— about Dutch princess (through marriage) Mabel van Oranje who talks about her education, job and family. What struck me most is her seemingly inexhaustible internal source of power and this quote (regarding her UN internship): “I came out of those meetings and those votes just thinking, ‘No, I cannot become a management consultant. Before the UN, I thought that might feed my brain. But no. I can’t do that. I need to make my tiny contribution to some of these very big international questions.'”
Much like her I never visualized my wedding dress when I was a little girl, I never even visualized any wedding at all, but that’s beside the point. You see, when I was growing up my secret dream was to become a doctor, an oncologist to be exact. This ship seems to have sailed for me, partly because I haven’t made any effort to board it at all, but in the past couple of years I’ve realized that I want to make an impact of some kind on an international level regarding the well-being and empowerment of people and our planet in general. Volunteering at the International AIDS Conference held in Vienna in 2010 was one of the greatest experiences not only of my working life but of all my life, and I know now that this is something I want to pursue when I finish my master’s degree this winter.
The second thing I never wanted to let go completely was the notion of doing something “artistic” with my life. I frequently put the word artistic in quotation marks because it seems to be overused quite a lot, with about 90% of all people considering themselves artists of some kind, which may just be the case (we can all be artists, can’t we?), but I just didn’t want to be so crude. It’s actually really simple: I was still very young when I instinctively knew that the best way for me to express myself was through words and images. As I was getting older, it became obvious that my mind wasn’t made for analyzing numbers, I enjoyed imaginative writing in German and drawing in art class much more. I spent a majority of my time ploughing through the impressive amount of books on my parents’ bookshelves, most of them admittedly inappropriate for my age (I read Lolita when I was the same age or younger even than the main character of the book, let’s just say I didn’t understand everything that was going on) and drawing. I would sit on my bed or the floor just drawing drawing drawing for hours on end, completely immersed in the process of creating a story in my head. Drawing has been more or less replaced by photography, which has become something that I can’t imagine giving up anytime soon.
So here it is, I know what I want. I’ve known for quite a bit, but the idea was too foggy to articulate, and it isn’t anymore.
If there’s one thing I’m going to miss when I move apartments in August, it’s my room in this one. Sure, I can take all of the decoration and even some pieces of furniture with me, but it’s just not going to be the same (of course, who would want to move into a room that’s at least twice as big as your old one?!).
Some of the photos on the wall are the ones I , er, the boyfriend recently picked up from the lab… will save those for another post.
Let’s not forget how important a good breakfast is to start off the day. To me, anyway; without breakfast I am nothing. Since eating is about all we did last weekend, I leave you with two pictures and a tumblr recommendation: BKFST.
Last, but not least…
some music! Very diverse mixture today, a bit of everything, based on what I’ve been listening to lately: Washed Out – Eyes Be Closed (single off forthcoming album)// Klute – The Emperor’s New Clothes // Bon Iver – Bon Iver (so I haven’t bought this yet myself, but I just know it’s worth a recommendation) // Pink Floyd – Wish You Were Here (best on vinyl, but I’m just using this as an excuse to brag because I own the original 1975 vinyl) // iTAL tEK – Cyclical (this is special because along with 2562’s Aerial this was the album that got me hooked on dubstep, and the first dubstep vinyl I bought).
This is not a political blog. This is not an art blog. This is not a professional blog of any kind. I don’t claim nor do I demand to be any of those. I’m not always politically correct, because there are so many rules that to me sometimes seem contradictory or useless, and generally I don’t do all that well with rules. Never have. I might be somewhat of a rebel when it comes to obeying rules, but I’m not disrespectful. I care a great deal about women’s rights, but to me that doesn’t necessarily start (or end, for that matter) with the in/innen causa. What I’m referring to mainly is that you can be all kinds of politically correct on paper but still hit your wife, pay your female employees less, or bad-mouth immigrants. Language is important, I agree, but the main focus shouldn’t be on how we refer to things, but how we think about things. On some other occasions I’m not to be taken too seriously. Jokes, yes? Extremism is not for me. Quite frankly, it scares me a bit. You see, I have opinions, but I would never go as far as trying to push them onto others without their consent.
I might wanna publish this statement somewhere so as to prevent people from asking me ‘ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?’ — Uhm, no, I’m not sure, what? I know nothing.
I do, however, want to recommend two albums. (I did say I mostly listen to electronic music so don’t check these out if your favorite music is Lady Gaga. Ok, ok. I’m generalizing again; shit, this truly isn’t easy.)
2562 – Fever
Various / Hotflush – Back and 4th